Sunday, March 24, 2013

Afternoon of the Duck

This afternoon I rolled up my pant legs and hosed the liberally splatted duck poop off the front porch.  Again.  The Muscovy ducks adore dog food and had so aggressively taken over the dog's feeding bowls by the barn, that Bruce (in a huge moment of stooped) had moved their feeding over to the porch.

The ducks, no dummies, were not far behind.  Since they've discovered that this is where the gourmet eating is, they've taken to spending their days right in front of the door.  Where a duck hangs out, it splats.  I'd hose the porch off, and 45 minutes later it would be decorated again.  We've begun feeding the dogs in the house, but, even without the lure of food, the ducks are right outside the front door.  Biding their time.

This evening, I had the front door open while I carried in groceries.  When I turned to go outside again, a duck was stepping purposefully over the threshold, eying first the kitchen and then the hallway.  Thank God it paused for that moment as it considered which way to go -- I was able to shunt it back outside in short order.

Last week, I was worn down by ducks.  I simply gave up -- stopped hosing and did my best to ignore the crap all over the porch floorboards.  Naturally, it was then that every friend/acquaintance/neighbor I've ever had or known came to visit and everyone was forced to politely step over the duckie mine fields.  We've been reduced to living like hillbillies -- I can almost hear the banjos twanging in the background.

So this afternoon I hosed and swept the floorboards, determined to keep up with it this time.  

As I stood there, broom in one hand and hose in the other, a duck came up to check things out. I squirted her, but she just hunkered down in the spray and glared at me.

Then she sidled up to Seal and demanded to know where the food was.  Seal had no idea, so didn't answer.  A few seconds later, the duck was swept off the porch steps on the end of my broom.  All the dogs cheered.

The ducks, alas, will be back...

               {to be continued}

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