One Day She Was Gone

The following was written by Bruce -- neither of us have talked much about Mulligan's disappearance two weeks ago, but both of us have been missing her.

A sad thing about living in the country is the unexplained loss of a pet.  In our time together, Leslie and I have been blessed with the company of some very special pets that we loved dearly.  While most live through their natural lives, there has been the few who vanished far too early and without a proper farewell.

One of the striking things that attracted me to Leslie is her profound love of animals.  As we merged our lives, I was welcomed into the family by her cats and quickly accepted as the newest member of their staff. I soon learned all about Diamond XX cats.  These were the cats that just showed up one day and stayed on.  While all of our cats have personalities, the Diamond XX cats stand out.  They are survivors.  They are very much in the show we call the cycle of life.

Juno was a Diamond XX cat.  One-eyed and fiercely independent, Juno was a hunter.  She spent much of her time on our other lot.  Juno was also a shrimp fanatic and could smell them from great distances.  From one instant to the next, she would magically appear underfoot and demand her tribute.  Woe unto the slow human who failed to deliver in a timely fashion; tardiness was rewarded with a set of claws in the leg.  Instructions for preparing any shrimp dish included cooking several for Juno, which she would devour with obvious enjoyment.  And one day, she was gone.

Buster was a Diamond XX cat.  He showed up while a very young cat and quickly assimilated into our clowder.  Buster was a quiet boy, very much loved by all.  He was playful and found a soul mate in “Uncle” Ralf.  Ralf, for his part, played with Buster and tried to impart all of his wisdom to his young protégé.  In time Buster learned to swear like a sailor.  The impact of his potty mouth was negated by a slight speech defect in which most words started with an ‘em’ sound.  As a result, his name morphed into “Mbuster.”  And one day, he was gone.

Although not from the Diamond XX, Mulligan was a Diamond XX cat.  She was found near a dumpster in Amador County and came to us via one of Les’ students.  A little shy and tentative, she worked her way into the center of Les’ heart.  She also entranced Phred, the patriarch of our household.  She would snuggle up to him and before he knew what was happening, he would be licking her head.  To our dismay, she was quite the hunter of birds; her crowning achievement was the catch and release of a California Quail…in the master bedroom.  Said quail was eventually returned to the wild.

As Les’ cat, Mulligan took advantage of bed privileges.  She preferred sleeping in the middle of Les’ side of the bed.  Moving her each night over evolved into the Tabby Toss.  This ritual, based on the Eskimo Blanket Toss, consisted of picking Mulligan up and gently heaving her to the other side of the bed while singing “It’s Tabby Tossing Time” over and over.  Mulligan would settle down, Les would get into bed, and Mulligan would eventually wend her way back to the recently vacated warm spot.  And one day, she was gone.

The realization that we’ve lost one of our kids is a gradual process.  It starts with the question, “Have you seen <insert name here>?”  The response is usually “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her for a day or so.”  There is the search of the house, garage, barn, and cars to see if the cat has been locked in a closet or vehicle.  Then there is the optimistic hope that the cat will show up the next day.  After a few days, you realize that you’ve lost another of your kids.  You find yourself calling out the cat’s name on the slim chance that you somehow overlooked her in your searching, all the while knowing your efforts are futile.  Gradually you accept the loss and grieve. 

Over time, the sadness and grief lessen but never really go away.  Routines change as the clowder dynamic adjusts to the vacancy.  You’re left with memories and an appreciation for the short time and the love you shared.  New rituals develop.

Life goes on; another cat takes center stage and the performance begins anew.